I previously ran a women’s support group and I recently spoke to women and couples struggling with infertility for my local infertility organization. Most women (and men) were in their late 30’s and 40’s and they all started nodding when I spoke about the “infertility profile”. Here are some factors we all seem to have in common - see if they apply to you:
1. Career Oriented - enjoy being in a high ranking position
2. Delayed marriage and childbearing to pursue career or other personal interests
3. Somewhat of a perfectionist
4. Perhaps had a less than perfect upbringing or volatile relationship with parents or family
5. Approval Addict (the need for others to recognize that you’re doing a good job)
6. Hard worker - always meet deadlines
7. Eventually succeed in everything you do (except getting pregnant - at least for the time being!)
Well, I can say without a doubt that all of these things are NOT consistent with getting pregnant. In hindsight, I can say that many of my problems with infertility stemmed from my childhood. I was a bit of a forgotten child (even though most people thought I had a great family) and I spent the rest of my life trying to prove to everyone how "worthy" I was. I pursued a career in a responsible position and I was always considered "the best" at whatever I did. I worked hard at the expense of my health and work became an escape where I didn’t have to face that I wasn’t happy with my life.
When I wanted to get pregnant, my previous "mode of operation" didn’t work anymore. I finally had to learn how to put me first and I had to take a good look at everything I was running from. These are some of the major changes I had to make in my life:
1. I quit my high stress job (which wasn’t easy since the “golden shackles” had really built up after 19 years)
2. I changed my diet - When I worked in the corporate world, I usually had coffee for breakfast and I gulped my lunch down between crises at work. I started eating foods that promote hormonal balance and overall health.
3. I started a program of visualization and meditation which not only helped to reduce my stress level, but it helped me to actually “see” and create my future
4. I confronted my less than perfect childhood and upbringing - I’m convinced that the root of my fertility problems started when I was an unwanted child born to parents that were unequipped to deal with another addition to the family.
5. I finally realized that I am “worthy” just because I am. I didn’t have to prove anything to anybody.
If you’re trying to conceive and you fit the “profile” I’ve outlined above, take a good look at your life. Making changes now could make you a much happier person and you just might get pregnant!
Copyright © 2006 Sandy Robertson
Sandy Robertson is the author of “You Can Get Pregnant Over 40, Naturally”. She is a stay-at-home mom who also writes and teaches part-time at a local community college. She has volunteered for her local infertility organization as the women’s support group leader and continues to speak to women and couples struggling with infertility and miscarriage.
